How I Found Balance: Lessons from My Journey to Peace and Purpose.
If you would have told me last year that I would be experiencing peace beyond anything I could have imagined next year (currently)... I would have called you a bold bald faced liar 😂
Too much? I’m serious though 😅 My life up until recently has been a series of unfortunate events and it just seemed like it was never going to get better. Now, full transparency- many of the things I’ve gone through I had no control over BUT there were a few that were in my control and I was just flat out being hard-headed, disobedient, and self-loathing so I couldn’t see past my mistakes to move forward.
However, after being completely SAT down by God last year… I realized there were a few things working in my favor that I really didn’t take into consideration before that have allowed me to work towards creating the balance that I truly desired and now I’m leaning heavily on them
1. Going To Therapy
I’ve been in therapy for the last few years, starting around age 23. But this current therapist I’ve been seeing for about three years now has truly been a godsend. Working through a lot of past experiences—trauma, disappointments, and the like—has really helped me see myself and my past for what it truly is.
It’s hard to move forward in life when you keep looking back and holding onto things that drag you down. At some point, you have to decide to let it go and move forward because there’s a better life out there waiting for you. It sounds great, but it took me a long time to get here because I wanted people to feel what I felt. I was stuck in a loop of self-sabotage and misusing my gifts because I wasn’t healed.
Technically, I’m still not fully healed—that’s a lifelong journey. But who I am today is night and day compared to who I was last year. As uncomfortable as it’s been, I had to really look at myself in the mirror and take full accountability for my life. Sure, people may have dumped their garbage into it, but it’s my responsibility to clean it up.
Doing this has allowed me to open doors to others and let them in because I’ve been so shut off for so long. I’m also in a place where I can see people and the BS they try to put on me and realize that some things are out of my control since they’re unhealed themselves. I’ve found empathy for people I really wanted to “confront” if I’m being honest👀.
I’m still on the journey of healing, but therapy has been a major key. It’s helped me find and maintain balance. I believe therapy alone wasn’t enough; I needed to reconnect with God. Therapy, in a way, opened the door for that by allowing me to be vulnerable again.
2. Building A Relationship With God & Changing My View In The Morning
Getting back to God and building a relationship with Him has been a long process, even though I didn’t fully realize it at the time.
For some background, I grew up in Pentecostal churches all my life. Because I didn’t really know the Word for myself, I went through a lot of church hurt and personal hurt, which pushed me away from God for a long time. I regret holding God at a distance and letting the actions of imperfect people shape my view of Him.
When you’re as stubborn and distant as I was for over nine years, life starts doing whatever it can to get your attention. Everything around me began to fall apart. Things I was once sure of suddenly didn’t make sense anymore. The career I built from the ground up felt meaningless because I was leaning on myself too much and thought I didn’t need God. How arrogant and foolish was that?
The final straw was when everything in my life seemed to crumble. My marriage was a mess, I wasn’t happy with myself, and my health took a serious dive. In December 2023, at 30 years old, I almost had a stroke. It’s a miracle I’m still here because I didn’t go to the doctor until afterward and found out I had a transient ischemic attack (TIA), or a mini-stroke. During that episode, I lost my vision and almost collapsed in the mall, feeling dizzy for a while.
I had known my stress levels were high before the TIA, but I didn’t feel it and kept pushing on. My body eventually decided to force me into a self-preservation mode, or self-destruction mode—whatever you want to call it.
After all these events, when my life felt like it was falling apart, I had no choice but to turn back to God. If that wasn’t going to work, I didn’t know what else would—and honestly, I wasn’t sure if I’d still be here without it.
On the first Sunday in January, I visited a church recommended by a woman I met at Dillard’s. She connected with my husband and me right away, and since then, we’ve been all in. By March, my husband and I decided to recommit to God and go back to church. Life has been so much more peaceful since then.
We’re now members of an African Methodist Episcopal church, and it feels like home.
Since going back to church, I’m working on cleaning up different areas of my life. For example, instead of reaching for my phone first thing in the morning, I’m trying to start my day with God. It’s a lifelong journey, but the peace I feel now is beyond anything I could have imagined.
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3. Putting Money In It’s Right Place In My Life
When it comes to money, you’re here because you’re connected with me for financial tips and conversations—I am a financial coach, after all. But, to be honest, finding balance with money has been a challenge for me. Money sneakily became my idol.
It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up—how to make more, what bills needed to be paid, whether I needed to work overtime—all before I even brushed my teeth or said my morning prayer.
It was a constant grind: building wealth, talking about generational wealth, and all that. It became a mess, for lack of a better word. Yes, money is important; it’s necessary for survival in our society. But it’s not everything.
I saw myself, and countless others, depriving ourselves of life's basic joys just for the sake of money. We’ve been brainwashed into thinking that if we’re not where we want to be, we don’t deserve to enjoy the little things. It became too much—no contentment, no gratefulness, just a never-ending chase for the next milestone.
I understand now that money became such a huge factor in my life because of survival mode. When you’ve experienced or witnessed financial struggles, you focus early on on making more money, believing it’s the solution to all your problems. And while money can solve some problems, there’s a delicate balance between using it as a tool and idolizing it.
When I took a break from my business, I started from the ground up when I came back. I no longer just focus on numbers and strategies. Now, I talk about creating balance with finance because so many of us are working ourselves to the bone just to chase a dollar.
On the surface, many say they want money to take care of their family or build generational wealth. But at the core, a lot of people work so hard for money because they want to feel valued. I’ve learned the hard lesson that our worth shouldn’t come from our bank account because everything in life is fleeting.
I remember high school during the 2008 recession, hearing horror stories of people throwing themselves out of buildings because they lost their pensions or homes. Money was gone, and they felt they had nothing left to live for.
On the flip side, I believe money is spiritual. The Bible talks about money often, but it frames it as a tool, not an idol. Loving money can lead to some weird behavior.
So, I’ve put money in its rightful place in my life and am helping my clients do the same. I’ve created a financial system that keeps everything in order, incorporating faith and womanhood with finance so these aspects aren’t at odds with each other.
I’ve developed a template that’s been a long time coming and if you’d like a comprehensive tool that will help you organize your finances while putting God at the center, click here to grab it! Now, I see money as a tool—not just for taking care of my household and enjoying life, but also for helping others. Too many millionaires and billionaires aren’t doing enough for their communities.
If people can be billionaires while homelessness persists, something is broken. Getting back to God has shown me that we’re here to do more than just exist; we’re here to do God’s work. Stewarding our money well is part of that.
In an upcoming newsletter, I’ll share some of my favorite scriptures related to money that have helped me gain perspective. Putting money in its right place has allowed me to start maintaining balance in my life.
4. Building The Right Community
This one is really tough for me—or at least, it used to be. I’ve been through multiple seasons of isolation, some of which were due to God’s plans and some I brought on myself.
One of the things I’ve leaned heavily into for building and maintaining balance is cultivating the right community for the life I want to live and the experiences I want to have.
From as early as I can remember, I’ve had “friends” who were more about convenience or proximity than genuine connection. I’ve always felt like I could be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. I despise small talk and can’t stand fake interactions.
As I’ve gotten older, finding meaningful connections has become more challenging. I’m not just seeking friendships for myself but ones that are good for me spiritually, mentally, and relationally.
For example, I’m not interested in building a community of people who want to drag me out at 3 a.m. on a Friday night because that’s just not my vibe. If anything, I’m a day party and be in the bed by 10 type of woman🤣. I want people with whom I can have deep, hard conversations, who can hold me accountable and vice versa, and who accept me for being my introverted self instead of shaming me for enjoying my time at home.
No matter how much I heal, I’ll always be someone who finds comfort at home. All my snacks are there, and I don’t have to deal with unwanted attention in public.
In the past few months, I’ve managed to find some incredible women and couples who meet these criteria—a close-knit, safe space where we can have a good time without worrying about nonsense. We can talk about God and also have our moments of fun within reason. And yes, I use “ratchet” very loosely!
Having a community that looks out for my well-being, prays with and for me, and truly understands me has been amazing. Being surrounded by like-minded and like-hearted people makes life so much easier and more fulfilling. It’s been a wonderful experience.
5. Being Authentic
One of the last—but certainly not least—things that has helped me build and maintain balance is operating authentically and unapologetically.
I’ve always put myself in various boxes to keep safe, but eventually, it felt like I was fading away and not truly enjoying life. I thought I had to act, be, or say certain things to fit in. But now, whether it’s because I turned 30 last year or a mix of the experiences I’ve mentioned, I genuinely don’t care who likes me or not based on how I operate authentically.
I’m never going to be everyone’s cup of tea. Period. I don’t mince words, and I’m not brutally honest—just honest. I’m not a yes woman, and my face will reveal my true feelings before my mouth does. When I’m comfortable with the right people, I can be loud and obnoxious. I also have my “old lady” hobbies, like collecting plants, gardening, watching anime, and reading manga. I enjoy getting my hands dirty with DIY projects. And at this point in my life, I’m going to talk about God as loudly as I can because without Him, I wouldn’t be here today.
I’ve learned that my personality offends some people, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I no longer walk on eggshells to be accepted. I’m at a stage where I create and uphold boundaries, even if it upsets others. I’ve accepted that “no” is a full sentence and embraced who I am.
I can be very opinionated—something I’m working on, or at least working on keeping to myself until asked—and I’m also very observant of the people around me. All of these traits contribute to the woman I am today and who I’m proud to be. Operating as my whole self lets me maintain balance because I don’t have to dig through unnecessary boxes to find pieces of myself when it’s convenient.
So, those are a few ways I’ve been building and maintaining balance over the past year. I plan to continue leaning into these and maybe even add more to the list.
If you take anything from this newsletter, let it be that you can create your own version of balance, whatever that looks like for you. It may not look like mine, and that’s perfectly okay. We all have our unique journeys and lessons to learn.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s blog. Let me know what you think!
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